One of the scariest aspects about starting a new life with someone is the financial intimacy that must ensue. We are raised with an idea: someday you will grow up, meet someone you love, get married and your own personal happily ever after will begin. We never raise our children with the idea that marriage is hard, that money might not be plentiful or that we might need to be completely honest.
The money portion is where most of the difficulty lies.
Once you become married, that's it. Any debt you acrue, at least in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, belongs to both of you. Any money you make, well, that also belongs to both of you. Unfortunately, spending money is easier than making money. And any debt you had prior to the marriage belongs soley to the individual who acquired it.
At the moment, I feel like I am up to my eyeballs in debt. I have student loans, credit card payments, USAA auto insurance, cell phone, plus lord knows what else. It overwhelms me. It stresses me out. It makes me feel as if it is very difficult to be a good wife.
In my head, I have this feel of, if only I made more money. But I know that wouldn't really help. I would probably spend all of it. I would probably find new things that I "needed". Or things that I wanted Brian to have.
So I pray. I pray and I try to be more honest. The first step I think is prayer but a close second is being honest with myself. If I'm not honest with myself on this, how can I be honest with Brian? And with our marriage? I am trying to be open about this, about my struggles, and about what my marriage will look like.
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Hello – my name is June Walbert and I’m a financial planner at USAA. Your blog posting was forwarded to me and I thought I’d respond directly since I thought I might be able to help.
It’s not easy being the CFO of a new household. Don’t feel alone, most of us struggle to gain control over something that seems – and may be – out of control: money. I’m a financial planner, and even I have my challenges.
One suggestion I have is to keep track of your expenses for a month. And I mean all expenses: sodas and Twinkies at the gas station, coffees at the corner, happy hour, drive-thru dining, online purchases. From the spending record you create, you’ll have a sense of where your money is going. Then you can put yourself in control and create a budget you really want -- then stick to it.
As a benefit of USAA membership, our Financial Advice Center is here to provide you with free, unbiased advice. Check us out online or call(800)531-3392. Unlike other companies, we don’t have commissions. We’re here to help answer your financial questions, whatever they may be.
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