So far today, I've experienced three internal interviews that all started with the line "well, this is a bit odd since I work with you everyday". Two of which also included the statement "I'm not really sure what to ask you since I already know you". And my personal favorite: "I didn't really you had a degree in small business!"
Apparently this isn't just a first for me.
If you ever search online for advice about internal interviews, you'll find that good information is hard to find and the information that is available is geared towards the mega corporations. I kept finding pages listing illegal interview questions and sneaky ways H.R. can get around it.
For example, they cannot ask me if I am married. Fair enough. But the interviewers are also the people who threw me a wedding shower at work.
They also cannot ask me if I have kids or if I plan to have kids. But some of the interviewers have gone out with me for drinks after work with my husband (where he told them we plan on waiting about four years).
Nothing illegal is being asked but could I still be discriminated against? These are people who already know more than they should. Like I said yesterday, maybe it isn't a win-win.
Maybe what all of this is telling me is that I need to be more guarded about my personal life at work. Which then of course leads me to the problem of how can I have a blended life if I have to unblend for eight to nine hour chunks each day.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Internal Interviews: Was this really a good idea?
I recently applied for an internal posting within my company and then had the chance to sit around and be paranoid for a while as they decided whether or not I was interview worthy. The whole situation is like dating gone horribly wrong – I’ve already been on this “date” for the last year and a half, I’ve asked to take the next step and the other person is standing there and thinking about it while I feel awkward.
Now that I’m trapped in the internal hiring process, it is really starting to click in my head how many problems really are in this system. I’d love to say that being promoted from within is a win-win situation for everyone but now I’m not entirely sure.
For starters, what is going to happen to your career within the company if you are not selected for the position? Will that be remembered in the future if you apply for other positions? For example, could the ABC department turn you down because if the XYZ department didn’t want you, there must be a reason? The last few days, I’ve been thinking about this like a marriage proposal – does the relationship really survive after a rejected proposal or does it just limp along until someone has the guts to call it quits?
Next problem: I would be moving out of an administrative role but it isn’t unreasonable to think that I could be perceived as the new department’s copy ‘n staple bitch. Would I forever be seen as the coffee girl or could a truly become a vital part of the new department? Would I really be able to make the impact I am capable of making?
Finally, if this new position should work out, I’d be leaving my present boss in a bit of a bind. She would have to cover the work I currently do until they find someone to replace me or I could be expected to cover both positions until someone new could be trained. I really don’t want to leave my current boss in a bad position (I have a really great working relationship with her) but at the same time, I don’t want to put myself in a bad starting position.
My big interview is scheduled for tomorrow so I’m hoping I’ll know by the end of the week how this will pan out for me. Keep your fingers crossed it works out well for me and I’ll keep you posted on the process this week.
Now that I’m trapped in the internal hiring process, it is really starting to click in my head how many problems really are in this system. I’d love to say that being promoted from within is a win-win situation for everyone but now I’m not entirely sure.
For starters, what is going to happen to your career within the company if you are not selected for the position? Will that be remembered in the future if you apply for other positions? For example, could the ABC department turn you down because if the XYZ department didn’t want you, there must be a reason? The last few days, I’ve been thinking about this like a marriage proposal – does the relationship really survive after a rejected proposal or does it just limp along until someone has the guts to call it quits?
Next problem: I would be moving out of an administrative role but it isn’t unreasonable to think that I could be perceived as the new department’s copy ‘n staple bitch. Would I forever be seen as the coffee girl or could a truly become a vital part of the new department? Would I really be able to make the impact I am capable of making?
Finally, if this new position should work out, I’d be leaving my present boss in a bit of a bind. She would have to cover the work I currently do until they find someone to replace me or I could be expected to cover both positions until someone new could be trained. I really don’t want to leave my current boss in a bad position (I have a really great working relationship with her) but at the same time, I don’t want to put myself in a bad starting position.
My big interview is scheduled for tomorrow so I’m hoping I’ll know by the end of the week how this will pan out for me. Keep your fingers crossed it works out well for me and I’ll keep you posted on the process this week.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Where is your faith?
I usually find myself painting Sunday mornings at church when I’m not helping in the nursery or Sunday School room. I am not sure if I would identify myself as an artist or a painter but it is something that I enjoy doing and it is relaxing for me.
This past week, I caught myself ignoring the sermon and letting my mind wander. Somehow, I ended up thinking about faith. Not in the God, Jesus, Allah, Yhwh, etc. sort of way but in the faith in life sort of way. We all have to have some sort of faith in the unexpected things that will happen each day.
Despite my tendency to have periods of radical doubt where I question Jesus and if I even believe in him as the son of God, I rarely question if I believe in God. I always think of God as the constant but I am starting to realize that God is not my only constant source of faith.
For example, I have faith that I will have work everyday, Monday through Friday. I don’t actually know yet that I will have work but I have faith that management won’t just close up shop in the middle of the night. I have faith that as long as I work hard, I will be employed.
I also have faith in my marriage. I have faith in my husband – that he will be a good provider and partner. I have faith that he will not cheat on me. I don’t know that he will or won’t be faithful but I will have faith until the moment one of us takes our last moments on this earth.
I have faith that the world is fundamentally good, despite some of the really messed up things that are happening right now. If I didn’t have that faith, then I wouldn’t be able to think about having kids. Because you can’t in good conscious bring new life into a place that you believe is bad or evil. And I have faith that this world can/will be made better within my lifetime.
I have faith that change will happen but it will not be permanent. I have faith that my hair will continue to grow but I do not know that it will happen until I see it grow longer. I can predict that this will happen and then I can observe when it does happen.
I have faith that I will not live forever. I have faith that I have this one life and that I cannot waste it (whether that be as a cube dweller or as a kept women). Death will not be certain until I experience it.
As people, we don’t have to believe in God or Jesus or any other spiritual path. But we do have to have faith in order to survive.
What do you have faith in? Are there areas of your life where your faith surprises you or confuses you?
This past week, I caught myself ignoring the sermon and letting my mind wander. Somehow, I ended up thinking about faith. Not in the God, Jesus, Allah, Yhwh, etc. sort of way but in the faith in life sort of way. We all have to have some sort of faith in the unexpected things that will happen each day.
Despite my tendency to have periods of radical doubt where I question Jesus and if I even believe in him as the son of God, I rarely question if I believe in God. I always think of God as the constant but I am starting to realize that God is not my only constant source of faith.
For example, I have faith that I will have work everyday, Monday through Friday. I don’t actually know yet that I will have work but I have faith that management won’t just close up shop in the middle of the night. I have faith that as long as I work hard, I will be employed.
I also have faith in my marriage. I have faith in my husband – that he will be a good provider and partner. I have faith that he will not cheat on me. I don’t know that he will or won’t be faithful but I will have faith until the moment one of us takes our last moments on this earth.
I have faith that the world is fundamentally good, despite some of the really messed up things that are happening right now. If I didn’t have that faith, then I wouldn’t be able to think about having kids. Because you can’t in good conscious bring new life into a place that you believe is bad or evil. And I have faith that this world can/will be made better within my lifetime.
I have faith that change will happen but it will not be permanent. I have faith that my hair will continue to grow but I do not know that it will happen until I see it grow longer. I can predict that this will happen and then I can observe when it does happen.
I have faith that I will not live forever. I have faith that I have this one life and that I cannot waste it (whether that be as a cube dweller or as a kept women). Death will not be certain until I experience it.
As people, we don’t have to believe in God or Jesus or any other spiritual path. But we do have to have faith in order to survive.
What do you have faith in? Are there areas of your life where your faith surprises you or confuses you?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Should we be breaking up?
There comes a time in every girl’s life where she truly has to ask herself – Am I happy with this vendor relationship? Or am I afraid that there just isn’t anything better out there? Is it time to break up?
Then she has to fire a vendor.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this for the last month or so. My favorite vendor to use sadly has my least favorite account rep. Ever. The woman is almost enough to make me drop the vendor altogether despite the fact that her organization meets my needs (and my company’s needs) best.
How do you know if it is time? Ask yourself these questions:
1. Does my account rep communicate well with me? This is usually the first sign of trouble. When your account rep stops returning your emails or phone calls, it quickly becomes obvious that the relationship isn’t working. But what about when the rep is slow to respond to questions or concerns but quick to place an order on your behalf? If your concerns are not addressed as quickly as your orders, speak up. And if you can’t reach a new agreement, request a new account rep before you become so frustrated you drop the vendor.
2. Does my account rep call me about price changes? If an item you order on a frequent basis goes up in price, your account rep should call you before the price change occurs. If this is something you discover on your own, a red flag should go up. The account rep is there to keep you, the customer, happy and informed. The time it takes to call or email you to alert you of a price change is nominal compared to the level of frustration you will experience when you discover these things on your own.
3. Does my account rep know what I look like? I have been working for my employer for a year and a half – and ordering from this vendor for just as long. I know her office is within a half hour of my office. Do I know what she looks like? No. Does she have a firm understanding of who my company is? Definitely not. Your account rep needs to know who you are in order to help your company best. A ten minute stop in to your office goes a long way. The rep doesn’t need to be my best friend but she should be comfortable leaving her office and stopping by mine with new catalogs and services at least once a year.
I didn’t spend too much time thinking about these questions until the situation had gotten out of hand. Asking for a new account rep is easier than switching vendors and most companies live by the rule that it is easier to keep a customer than find a new one. Sure, the conversation is a little awkward at best but at least you don’t have return each others stuff at the end of it.
Then she has to fire a vendor.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this for the last month or so. My favorite vendor to use sadly has my least favorite account rep. Ever. The woman is almost enough to make me drop the vendor altogether despite the fact that her organization meets my needs (and my company’s needs) best.
How do you know if it is time? Ask yourself these questions:
1. Does my account rep communicate well with me? This is usually the first sign of trouble. When your account rep stops returning your emails or phone calls, it quickly becomes obvious that the relationship isn’t working. But what about when the rep is slow to respond to questions or concerns but quick to place an order on your behalf? If your concerns are not addressed as quickly as your orders, speak up. And if you can’t reach a new agreement, request a new account rep before you become so frustrated you drop the vendor.
2. Does my account rep call me about price changes? If an item you order on a frequent basis goes up in price, your account rep should call you before the price change occurs. If this is something you discover on your own, a red flag should go up. The account rep is there to keep you, the customer, happy and informed. The time it takes to call or email you to alert you of a price change is nominal compared to the level of frustration you will experience when you discover these things on your own.
3. Does my account rep know what I look like? I have been working for my employer for a year and a half – and ordering from this vendor for just as long. I know her office is within a half hour of my office. Do I know what she looks like? No. Does she have a firm understanding of who my company is? Definitely not. Your account rep needs to know who you are in order to help your company best. A ten minute stop in to your office goes a long way. The rep doesn’t need to be my best friend but she should be comfortable leaving her office and stopping by mine with new catalogs and services at least once a year.
I didn’t spend too much time thinking about these questions until the situation had gotten out of hand. Asking for a new account rep is easier than switching vendors and most companies live by the rule that it is easier to keep a customer than find a new one. Sure, the conversation is a little awkward at best but at least you don’t have return each others stuff at the end of it.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Investing in You: Make wise choices
When I first got out of college, investing in me almost seemed silly. I had just spent 150k on an undergraduate education – wasn’t that enough? I didn’t need to worry about taking classes anymore, I was ready to hit the corporate world and look fabulous doing it.
As a result, I bought more suits than I probably needed, skimped on true professional development and then spent a year and a half at Starbucks trying to figure what it was that I really wanted to do. Those suits, that looked so fabulous at the time, are still sitting in my closet and rarely see the light of day.
Investing in you is important for every career but how you invest is the key. You can spend money to make sure you look the part but if you don’t have all of the skills (or at least a plan) to back it up, you aren’t going to get very far.
So. How to invest? How do we make wise choices when it comes to ourselves? These are a few of the ways I try to find a balance.
Clothes: Don’t stock up on business attire until you get the job. I have a ton of suits in my closet that I rarely wear. Why? Because the dress code at my job is Lab Casual. Had I waited until I had the job, I would have realized that client days at my office are few and far between.
Tip: Own enough suits to not repeat during the interview process. If you aren’t sure how many interviews are in the company’s process, make sure you have two suits. You can always play with accessories to change the look. Once you get the job, you’ll have a better idea of the clothes you will really need.
Classes: Continuing Education Credits (CEC) are your friend. It took me two years post-college to get back into the classroom. I was convinced that because I spent so much money on undergrad, I didn’t need to spend money on more classes until I either went to grad school or got my soul back from Sallie Mae. Sure, I can write a fabulous business plan but ask me to format it a certain way and I might not have the skills to back it up.
Tip: Figure out where your weak spots are and target those. It is far easier to stay in the classroom than to get back into it. I recently completed 9 weeks in a program about Microsoft Access and have now become my company’s go to person for Access help. I couldn’t have done it with a few CECs. It also keeps you occupied while you are looking for the job you really want and sets you ahead of the pack. The American Management Association also has some great courses that are offered at some local community colleges which can mean a savings in price for you ($400 versus $2000).
Vacation: If you burn yourself out from the beginning, you’re of no good. One of the ways I chronically neglect myself is by failing to get the rest I really need. After a while, I’m not only no good to my team but I’m of no good to myself. It can quickly place you in a vicious cycle that is overwhelming and just not effective. A vacation is your chance to invest in your mental health. A bonus is the first few days when you get back and you can attack your job with fresh eyes and ideas.
Tip: Find someone to hold you accountable to relax. For me, my husband is the one who makes sure I find the time (he has no problem saying that he needs a vacation whereas I always think I can put it off one more month). It helps to keep me in balance. For you, it could be friend, relative or coworker. Don't let money be the issue that stops you. When we have more money, we take a cruise (I love the idea of a floating hotel to take me away from all of my problems). When money is tight, we go camping for a long weekend ($200 is usually enough to pay for campground fees, gas and tolls).
Investing in you is such an important part of every career. Make sure your investments keep you on track for your goals.
As a result, I bought more suits than I probably needed, skimped on true professional development and then spent a year and a half at Starbucks trying to figure what it was that I really wanted to do. Those suits, that looked so fabulous at the time, are still sitting in my closet and rarely see the light of day.
Investing in you is important for every career but how you invest is the key. You can spend money to make sure you look the part but if you don’t have all of the skills (or at least a plan) to back it up, you aren’t going to get very far.
So. How to invest? How do we make wise choices when it comes to ourselves? These are a few of the ways I try to find a balance.
Clothes: Don’t stock up on business attire until you get the job. I have a ton of suits in my closet that I rarely wear. Why? Because the dress code at my job is Lab Casual. Had I waited until I had the job, I would have realized that client days at my office are few and far between.
Tip: Own enough suits to not repeat during the interview process. If you aren’t sure how many interviews are in the company’s process, make sure you have two suits. You can always play with accessories to change the look. Once you get the job, you’ll have a better idea of the clothes you will really need.
Classes: Continuing Education Credits (CEC) are your friend. It took me two years post-college to get back into the classroom. I was convinced that because I spent so much money on undergrad, I didn’t need to spend money on more classes until I either went to grad school or got my soul back from Sallie Mae. Sure, I can write a fabulous business plan but ask me to format it a certain way and I might not have the skills to back it up.
Tip: Figure out where your weak spots are and target those. It is far easier to stay in the classroom than to get back into it. I recently completed 9 weeks in a program about Microsoft Access and have now become my company’s go to person for Access help. I couldn’t have done it with a few CECs. It also keeps you occupied while you are looking for the job you really want and sets you ahead of the pack. The American Management Association also has some great courses that are offered at some local community colleges which can mean a savings in price for you ($400 versus $2000).
Vacation: If you burn yourself out from the beginning, you’re of no good. One of the ways I chronically neglect myself is by failing to get the rest I really need. After a while, I’m not only no good to my team but I’m of no good to myself. It can quickly place you in a vicious cycle that is overwhelming and just not effective. A vacation is your chance to invest in your mental health. A bonus is the first few days when you get back and you can attack your job with fresh eyes and ideas.
Tip: Find someone to hold you accountable to relax. For me, my husband is the one who makes sure I find the time (he has no problem saying that he needs a vacation whereas I always think I can put it off one more month). It helps to keep me in balance. For you, it could be friend, relative or coworker. Don't let money be the issue that stops you. When we have more money, we take a cruise (I love the idea of a floating hotel to take me away from all of my problems). When money is tight, we go camping for a long weekend ($200 is usually enough to pay for campground fees, gas and tolls).
Investing in you is such an important part of every career. Make sure your investments keep you on track for your goals.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Why a change is not forever
Sophomore year in college I decided it would be a brillant idea to die the front two inches of my hair burgandy and then leave the rest of my hair bleached blond. Kinda like the chick from Republica in the late nineties. I was tired of looking like the girl next door. I wanted to look like the edgy girl net door.
My hair color didn't work out quite as planned. Since I am a natural blonde, the bleached portion didn't look like normal bleached hair when growing out and the burgandy kept fading to this really odd shade of pink and from there it moved onto this gross orange color. Ultimately, I had to pay to have all of the color stripped out of my hair and then paid to hair the colorist attempt to recreate my natural color.
I haven't used hair dye since. I'm paranoid that if I do, it won't turn out well and I won't want to show my face in the office afterwards.
I made an appointment with my stylist for two weeks from now (she happens to be the very brave colorist that tried to save my hair six years ago - I don't trust anyone else). I thought I was being adventurous by scheduling for a cut and color with the plan being for highlights. I felt very proud of myself for this bold step forward until I told Brian.
Apparently, if I'm going to spend money on stylist, I need to start make hair choices that scare me a little. And when I started to complain about what if I don't like it, how will I go to work if it is bad, etc, Brian tells me that it is just hair. It will grow back regardless of how good or bad it is.
He also wants to know what color we should dye his hair.
He makes a great point - most of the changes we make in our lives are temporary at best. We can ultimately decide to maintain those changes or let them fall to the wayside. Sometimes undo-ing the change is painful (from what I hear, tattoo removal is worse than the tattoo itself) but there are very few changes that we are stuck with forever.
Sometimes I find that I'm afraid to make changes in my career. I am afraid that the comfortable situation that I could leave is the best situation I could get. But even a job change isn't permanent - it is a stepping stone to the next stage of life.
A change is only as permanent as you want it to be. This week I'm a blonde but two weeks from now, I think I am going to be a redhead. I'm a little nervous but now I'm also excited that I decided to do it.
What changes in your life have made you nervous? Did you do it anyway?
My hair color didn't work out quite as planned. Since I am a natural blonde, the bleached portion didn't look like normal bleached hair when growing out and the burgandy kept fading to this really odd shade of pink and from there it moved onto this gross orange color. Ultimately, I had to pay to have all of the color stripped out of my hair and then paid to hair the colorist attempt to recreate my natural color.
I haven't used hair dye since. I'm paranoid that if I do, it won't turn out well and I won't want to show my face in the office afterwards.
I made an appointment with my stylist for two weeks from now (she happens to be the very brave colorist that tried to save my hair six years ago - I don't trust anyone else). I thought I was being adventurous by scheduling for a cut and color with the plan being for highlights. I felt very proud of myself for this bold step forward until I told Brian.
Apparently, if I'm going to spend money on stylist, I need to start make hair choices that scare me a little. And when I started to complain about what if I don't like it, how will I go to work if it is bad, etc, Brian tells me that it is just hair. It will grow back regardless of how good or bad it is.
He also wants to know what color we should dye his hair.
He makes a great point - most of the changes we make in our lives are temporary at best. We can ultimately decide to maintain those changes or let them fall to the wayside. Sometimes undo-ing the change is painful (from what I hear, tattoo removal is worse than the tattoo itself) but there are very few changes that we are stuck with forever.
Sometimes I find that I'm afraid to make changes in my career. I am afraid that the comfortable situation that I could leave is the best situation I could get. But even a job change isn't permanent - it is a stepping stone to the next stage of life.
A change is only as permanent as you want it to be. This week I'm a blonde but two weeks from now, I think I am going to be a redhead. I'm a little nervous but now I'm also excited that I decided to do it.
What changes in your life have made you nervous? Did you do it anyway?
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
How do you know when its time to move forward?
I like to tease my friend C that she actually a closet speed freak and no one else is on to it yet. She usually tells me that as a former addictions counselor, she realizes that her drugs of choice would be opiates. I’m only half kidding with her though – C fits more things into a day than most people do in a week. Somehow she rarely seems to burn out. She’s the type of girl who can change jobs, plan a wedding/get married and buy and decorate a new home in the span of 6 weeks. And still have time to hang out with friends while still looking fabulous.
Sometimes I hate her for that. Just Kidding, I hope.
C’s wedding was about 6 weeks ago and I think for about the first time in a year she has time to sit down and relax. So of course, she’s looking for some thing new to do. Which is also known as going back to school for a Ph.D. Even though, they don’t really have the money (a mortgage, student loans from her masters degree and 2 car payments can suck you dry pretty quick), she still wants to make it happen. But she’s also concerned about kids and what that timeline looks like. She’s pretty much made up her mind on where she wants to go but I can’t help but think she’s missing a few steps before she could make that decision.
Clearly, C needs feedback so I sent her the following email (details changed for privacy purposes):
C,
OOH OOH OOH! I have PLENTY of feedback! (This is me in "swift kick" mode fueled by love.)
What other schools have you been looking into? Why do you not feel as tempted by those institutions?
Regarding kids:
If you think you want to have kids in the next 1 to 3 years, I would strongly suggest that you wait on a doctoral program.
If you think you want to have kids in the next 3 to 6 years, go for the Ph.D. You won't regret it.
If you aren't sure when you want to have kids, go for the degree. Otherwise, you could be stuck in limbo forever.
The cost issue works like this:
1. Do you and hubby both have life insurance policies out on each other (so that you would not lose the house should one of you die)? If the answer is no, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
2. Do you and hubby have six months worth of living expenses (including: tithe, food, clothes, mortgage, utilities, phone, health insurance, car payments, car maintenance, gasoline, taxes, car insurance, co-pays, home maintenance, student loans, etc.) set aside should one of you lose your job? If the answer is no, further education is on hold until this need is met?
3. Are you currently making contributions towards your retirement? If the answer is no, who do you think is going to pay for your old age? And will they pay for mine as well? Don't tell me the government will or I won't be able to contain my laughter at work.
What does graduate school look like for hubby? Where is the priority here? Do you need a Ph.D. to continue advancing in your field immediately? Does hubby require a master's degree to continue advancing in his field immediately? Who will benefit more from having their education needs met first?
I'm a big fan of taking continuing education credits before you are financially ready for a degree. And you can always take classes at a community college on Fridays to continue to increase your job skills.
Finally, how do you feel about the rest of your life? Is this antsy-ness coming from a stillness in your life that you are not used to? Are there projects/passions/ideas you want to explore both you move on to the next step in your life? You won't have the freedom to explore those things right after you have kids. (Don't get me wrong, you probably will later on but not in the same ways you do now). And C, I know you a very used to a crazy schedule but maybe this is a good time for you to be still and quiet and nurture your marriage with hubby. I hope you take time to enjoy the newness of marriage and explore each other and yourselves as married people. If it was me, I would wait until the one year mark before I began to address further education.
So I think I threw a lot at you. I hope I made it clear and I hope you see the motivation behind these questions/points. I'm not necessarily advocating one way or the other for right now (but I probably will later on).
Love ya,
Dorie
My questions are these: Do I have it all covered or did I miss some key question along the way? What steps should you have in place in your life before you make a big decision? At what age does it stop being okay to pile on debt in the name of one’s education?
Sometimes I hate her for that. Just Kidding, I hope.
C’s wedding was about 6 weeks ago and I think for about the first time in a year she has time to sit down and relax. So of course, she’s looking for some thing new to do. Which is also known as going back to school for a Ph.D. Even though, they don’t really have the money (a mortgage, student loans from her masters degree and 2 car payments can suck you dry pretty quick), she still wants to make it happen. But she’s also concerned about kids and what that timeline looks like. She’s pretty much made up her mind on where she wants to go but I can’t help but think she’s missing a few steps before she could make that decision.
Clearly, C needs feedback so I sent her the following email (details changed for privacy purposes):
C,
OOH OOH OOH! I have PLENTY of feedback! (This is me in "swift kick" mode fueled by love.)
What other schools have you been looking into? Why do you not feel as tempted by those institutions?
Regarding kids:
If you think you want to have kids in the next 1 to 3 years, I would strongly suggest that you wait on a doctoral program.
If you think you want to have kids in the next 3 to 6 years, go for the Ph.D. You won't regret it.
If you aren't sure when you want to have kids, go for the degree. Otherwise, you could be stuck in limbo forever.
The cost issue works like this:
1. Do you and hubby both have life insurance policies out on each other (so that you would not lose the house should one of you die)? If the answer is no, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
2. Do you and hubby have six months worth of living expenses (including: tithe, food, clothes, mortgage, utilities, phone, health insurance, car payments, car maintenance, gasoline, taxes, car insurance, co-pays, home maintenance, student loans, etc.) set aside should one of you lose your job? If the answer is no, further education is on hold until this need is met?
3. Are you currently making contributions towards your retirement? If the answer is no, who do you think is going to pay for your old age? And will they pay for mine as well? Don't tell me the government will or I won't be able to contain my laughter at work.
What does graduate school look like for hubby? Where is the priority here? Do you need a Ph.D. to continue advancing in your field immediately? Does hubby require a master's degree to continue advancing in his field immediately? Who will benefit more from having their education needs met first?
I'm a big fan of taking continuing education credits before you are financially ready for a degree. And you can always take classes at a community college on Fridays to continue to increase your job skills.
Finally, how do you feel about the rest of your life? Is this antsy-ness coming from a stillness in your life that you are not used to? Are there projects/passions/ideas you want to explore both you move on to the next step in your life? You won't have the freedom to explore those things right after you have kids. (Don't get me wrong, you probably will later on but not in the same ways you do now). And C, I know you a very used to a crazy schedule but maybe this is a good time for you to be still and quiet and nurture your marriage with hubby. I hope you take time to enjoy the newness of marriage and explore each other and yourselves as married people. If it was me, I would wait until the one year mark before I began to address further education.
So I think I threw a lot at you. I hope I made it clear and I hope you see the motivation behind these questions/points. I'm not necessarily advocating one way or the other for right now (but I probably will later on).
Love ya,
Dorie
My questions are these: Do I have it all covered or did I miss some key question along the way? What steps should you have in place in your life before you make a big decision? At what age does it stop being okay to pile on debt in the name of one’s education?
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Perhaps I need more boundaries
Last night I was totally overwhelmed by life. I walked through the front door, took one look at Brian and just started sobbing. Could this be a sign that any sense of balance I once had has evaporated?
Maybe.
I feel like I’m in some Nationwide commercial and I keep waiting for the voiceover to come out with the “Life comes at you fast” tagline.
I’m still waiting.
At the moment, I’m overwhelmed with the many different roles I play in my life. Wife. Employee. Daughter. Writer. Morgan Family Member. Gillette Family Member. I could keep going but then I’m only going to overwhelm myself again.
The fact is keeping a balanced life is so much harder than I expected. As a kid, my mother made it seem effortless but now that I am an adult, I realize that she was falling apart even more than most. Yet I still hold myself to the standard at which I perceived her.
What set me over the edge last night was this: There are only 24 hours in the day. In that 24 hours, I expect myself to be able to work for eight hours, take an hour lunch, drive 45 minutes each way to work, make lunch for both myself and my husband, shower/shave my legs, cook dinner, eat dinner, do laundry, go to school part time, talk to friends, fulfill family obligations, spend quality time with my husband, find time to do things for me and still look good. Oh and despite my exhaustion, I still expect myself to be ready for love making with a moment’s notice. I should also find time to be able to sleep for seven to eight hours a night.
Clearly, this is not working out.
How do we find resolution between our expectations of self versus the physical limitations of both time and our bodies? How do we learn to say no to the things we think we want to do?
Maybe the key to realistically finding balance is being able to set better boundaries. Maybe I shouldn’t even be thinking about having balance in my life until I’m comfortable setting boundaries that may make people angry. Maybe I need to stop holding myself to the housework standards as a homemaker.
Last night, I looked at my life in terms of two columns: The things I want to do versus the things I should do. Somewhere in the middle lie the things I will actually do.
The question is now, what makes it onto that list?
Maybe.
I feel like I’m in some Nationwide commercial and I keep waiting for the voiceover to come out with the “Life comes at you fast” tagline.
I’m still waiting.
At the moment, I’m overwhelmed with the many different roles I play in my life. Wife. Employee. Daughter. Writer. Morgan Family Member. Gillette Family Member. I could keep going but then I’m only going to overwhelm myself again.
The fact is keeping a balanced life is so much harder than I expected. As a kid, my mother made it seem effortless but now that I am an adult, I realize that she was falling apart even more than most. Yet I still hold myself to the standard at which I perceived her.
What set me over the edge last night was this: There are only 24 hours in the day. In that 24 hours, I expect myself to be able to work for eight hours, take an hour lunch, drive 45 minutes each way to work, make lunch for both myself and my husband, shower/shave my legs, cook dinner, eat dinner, do laundry, go to school part time, talk to friends, fulfill family obligations, spend quality time with my husband, find time to do things for me and still look good. Oh and despite my exhaustion, I still expect myself to be ready for love making with a moment’s notice. I should also find time to be able to sleep for seven to eight hours a night.
Clearly, this is not working out.
How do we find resolution between our expectations of self versus the physical limitations of both time and our bodies? How do we learn to say no to the things we think we want to do?
Maybe the key to realistically finding balance is being able to set better boundaries. Maybe I shouldn’t even be thinking about having balance in my life until I’m comfortable setting boundaries that may make people angry. Maybe I need to stop holding myself to the housework standards as a homemaker.
Last night, I looked at my life in terms of two columns: The things I want to do versus the things I should do. Somewhere in the middle lie the things I will actually do.
The question is now, what makes it onto that list?
Monday, April 7, 2008
Are you ready to be a person now?
One of my little pleasures in life is teaching Sunday School to the kids at my church. I attend a very small church with one Sunday school room and two Sunday school classes. I usually end up with a class of 3 to 6 year olds with another teacher taking the older kids (1st to 6th grades). If this situation sounds crazy to you, then you are right… it is crazy! But I love it. I love watching the kids help each other with projects and seeing them grow together despite the age differences. It is also amazing to hear about the world from their perspectives.
This past Sunday, I only had four kids in my class which was a nice change of pass for us. The kids made BONKS Boxes (Box of Neat and Cool Stuff) to remind them of things that make them happy. Very cute idea. The youngest in the class, Lynx, was having a brutal time trying to stay still and listen. He wanted no part of putting his listening ears on. It was one of those moments where you are trying desperately not to giggle uncontrollably because you are trying to retain some semblance of control. It was not working out for me.
Eventually, I hauled Lynx onto my lap while I gave the lesson and I told him that he could leave my lap when he was ready to be a person. After a few minutes, he started to squirm and I asked him if he was going to be a person. He said yes, was released and promptly proved he was not ready to be a person. Back onto my lap he went, this time with much more fight in him.
After about five minutes, he starts squirming a bit and looks at me with these HUGE blue eyes and tells me “I’m ready to be a person now”.
Wow. Despite my expectation that Lynx acts like a person, I wasn’t expecting him to be ready to be a person. He’s 3 years old. I’m 25. I’m still not always ready to be a person. Most of the time, I’m just faking it.
I know that Lynx had next to no understanding about what those words really meant to an adult. To Lynx, being a person just meant that he got to sit on the floor with the other kids. Being a person meant liberation.
I have this idea in my head that being a person means that you have it all together and are moving forward with your life but I am also fairly certain that my idea is probably not accurate or even possible. Maybe Lynx’s idea of what being a person is – just being out there on your own – is the way I should be thinking about it.
The truth is, as an adult, I want to overcomplicate everything. I want to confuse what it really means to be a person. Maybe it is because I am not fully grounded, maybe it is because I am desperately searching for meaning that isn’t there. I overcomplicate my ideas about what being a person means as a way to justify my place in the universe.
This past Sunday, I only had four kids in my class which was a nice change of pass for us. The kids made BONKS Boxes (Box of Neat and Cool Stuff) to remind them of things that make them happy. Very cute idea. The youngest in the class, Lynx, was having a brutal time trying to stay still and listen. He wanted no part of putting his listening ears on. It was one of those moments where you are trying desperately not to giggle uncontrollably because you are trying to retain some semblance of control. It was not working out for me.
Eventually, I hauled Lynx onto my lap while I gave the lesson and I told him that he could leave my lap when he was ready to be a person. After a few minutes, he started to squirm and I asked him if he was going to be a person. He said yes, was released and promptly proved he was not ready to be a person. Back onto my lap he went, this time with much more fight in him.
After about five minutes, he starts squirming a bit and looks at me with these HUGE blue eyes and tells me “I’m ready to be a person now”.
Wow. Despite my expectation that Lynx acts like a person, I wasn’t expecting him to be ready to be a person. He’s 3 years old. I’m 25. I’m still not always ready to be a person. Most of the time, I’m just faking it.
I know that Lynx had next to no understanding about what those words really meant to an adult. To Lynx, being a person just meant that he got to sit on the floor with the other kids. Being a person meant liberation.
I have this idea in my head that being a person means that you have it all together and are moving forward with your life but I am also fairly certain that my idea is probably not accurate or even possible. Maybe Lynx’s idea of what being a person is – just being out there on your own – is the way I should be thinking about it.
The truth is, as an adult, I want to overcomplicate everything. I want to confuse what it really means to be a person. Maybe it is because I am not fully grounded, maybe it is because I am desperately searching for meaning that isn’t there. I overcomplicate my ideas about what being a person means as a way to justify my place in the universe.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Why the meal does not make it better
While most of my friends who are not in a trade wear a suit to work everyday, I have the pleasure of working a business casual sort of environment. But since two thirds of our facility is a laboratory, we really wear "lab casual" each day. Lab Casual around here means jeans and a t-shirt, maybe a sweatshirt in colder weather.
I don't want to sound like we are total scrubs - we step up our attire to dress slacks and suits when clients are in or if we are attending an industry event but day to day is pretty relaxed. For me, its an added benefit to my job - I get to save a lot of money on clothing for work and the simple action of wearing a polo shirt instead of a t-shirt catapults me to well dressed category of the office.
We also dress up for annual reviews. Why? Because we go out to a very nice local restaurant called Augusto's. Augusto's is a great place for dinner with a client or a quiet dinner with your significant other but it is brutal for an annual review.
Despite the best of intentions to make the annual review process as pleasant as possible, all I am really left with indigestion.
Yesterday was my first annual review with my organization. It was the most anxious filled hour I have spent at this company to date. The review went well. My supervisor had nothing but praises to say of my last year. I am very happy with the compensation that was offered to me as a reward. But having a plate of food in front of me almost made it worse. I kept waiting to hear bad news so I could choke on my chicken and gnnochi as a self perservation tactic.
A few months ago, Brad Hilderbrand wrote about the dreaded performance review at Employee Evolution. At the time, I just sort of laughed about it, left a comment and continued on with my day. Ten minutes before show time yesterday, I found myself rereading and searching the comment section for hope. Its good to know that I'm not the only one with a reveiw but I am quite sure I am the only one who had to do it eating.
I don't want to sound like we are total scrubs - we step up our attire to dress slacks and suits when clients are in or if we are attending an industry event but day to day is pretty relaxed. For me, its an added benefit to my job - I get to save a lot of money on clothing for work and the simple action of wearing a polo shirt instead of a t-shirt catapults me to well dressed category of the office.
We also dress up for annual reviews. Why? Because we go out to a very nice local restaurant called Augusto's. Augusto's is a great place for dinner with a client or a quiet dinner with your significant other but it is brutal for an annual review.
Despite the best of intentions to make the annual review process as pleasant as possible, all I am really left with indigestion.
Yesterday was my first annual review with my organization. It was the most anxious filled hour I have spent at this company to date. The review went well. My supervisor had nothing but praises to say of my last year. I am very happy with the compensation that was offered to me as a reward. But having a plate of food in front of me almost made it worse. I kept waiting to hear bad news so I could choke on my chicken and gnnochi as a self perservation tactic.
A few months ago, Brad Hilderbrand wrote about the dreaded performance review at Employee Evolution. At the time, I just sort of laughed about it, left a comment and continued on with my day. Ten minutes before show time yesterday, I found myself rereading and searching the comment section for hope. Its good to know that I'm not the only one with a reveiw but I am quite sure I am the only one who had to do it eating.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Why its tough to be Greek
“From the outside looking in, you could never understand. From the inside looking out, you could never explain.”
I’m not sure where the quote came from initially but it is one that has been with me for the duration of my Greek experience. How do you explain Greek life to someone who never wanted to join? How do you talk to non members about what life is like inside a somewhat secret society?
Too often, we want to talk about our experiences but we don’t know how to have that conversation well. We spend so much time using our well rehearsed Rush (Formal Recruitment) conversations that we don’t realize that our audience only hears “And this one time, at band camp…” We leave the heart out of the conversations but we remember to include our exhaustive lists. Sadly, today at BrazenCareerist, Jennifer Robinson’s (of Newly Corporate) post on Greek Life and Business enforced the stereotypes I would assume she wants to break.
We fail the Greek system and we contribute to its stereotypes when we fail to discuss the topic with intelligence, compassion and excitement. We discount ourselves as members of the Greek community when we fail to back up our affiliation with competence.
Like it or not, the decision you made to become a member of the Greek community at the age of eighteen means you will be held to higher standard for the rest of your life.
After graduation, it does not matter if your house won Greek Week. After graduation, it does not matter how high your dues were. After graduation, it does not matter if you were in the most popular house.
After graduation, it only matters that you were there.
I’m not sure where the quote came from initially but it is one that has been with me for the duration of my Greek experience. How do you explain Greek life to someone who never wanted to join? How do you talk to non members about what life is like inside a somewhat secret society?
Too often, we want to talk about our experiences but we don’t know how to have that conversation well. We spend so much time using our well rehearsed Rush (Formal Recruitment) conversations that we don’t realize that our audience only hears “And this one time, at band camp…” We leave the heart out of the conversations but we remember to include our exhaustive lists. Sadly, today at BrazenCareerist, Jennifer Robinson’s (of Newly Corporate) post on Greek Life and Business enforced the stereotypes I would assume she wants to break.
We fail the Greek system and we contribute to its stereotypes when we fail to discuss the topic with intelligence, compassion and excitement. We discount ourselves as members of the Greek community when we fail to back up our affiliation with competence.
Like it or not, the decision you made to become a member of the Greek community at the age of eighteen means you will be held to higher standard for the rest of your life.
After graduation, it does not matter if your house won Greek Week. After graduation, it does not matter how high your dues were. After graduation, it does not matter if you were in the most popular house.
After graduation, it only matters that you were there.
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