Why Car Shopping Changes How I Look at My Marriage

After a year of persistent nagging, Brian has finally taken my dear sweet Beast of a car to the mechanic for inspection. Yes, that's right, I've been driving a car illegaly for a year now. I know I could have easily taken the car in myself but I was trying to make a point.

Sadly, my car did not survive the inspection.

I drive, I mean, I drove a 1992 Buick Park Avenue that was luxary back in the day. I affectionately refer to my pimped out old man car as "The Beast". I thought it was clever when I was in college because then I could be "Beauty in The Beast". Haha. I loved this car though. Originally the car belonged to my grandfather until three years ago when we took his license away and he gave me the car.

The thought of getting rid of this car pains me. But the idea of spending two thousand dollars just to pass inspection pains me more. Brian, however, is rejoicing. He has long hated the Beast and I suspect he now feels liberated from seeing it parked out side of our house. I'm just sad. I had great plans to still be driving the car when I had kids.

Now I find myself car shopping with my husband which is a very interesting and surprising experience. So far, the process is really highlighting the difference between Brian and myself.

• Brian likes to go into a sales situation knowing more about the product than the sales person whereas I think that's a waste of my time. I like to go to numerous places, see what they tell me and then make a decision. I can't be an expert on everything, nor do I want to be an expert.
• Brian and I share an opinion that a car is a poor investment. Its one of the reasons why we will never own a new car. But I still find we are on opposite ends of the car buying spectrum. Brian believes in buying the cheapest car possible. I believe that's throwing more money down the drain. If I have to have a car payment, I was to invest in a vehicle that will last until my first child is in elementary school, which is about eight years from now.
• Brian is looking for a car that will get me from Point A to Point B and that he will want to drive on the weekends. I'm looking for a car that could be filled with strollers and kids in a few years from now.
• Brian wants a Mitsubishi. I don't.
• Brian is okay buying a car from a discount auto mall. I think a reputable car broker is essential to the car buying process.
• I think this is an important decision but it needs to be made quickly. Brian wants to take his time. Probably because he's busy trying to be an expert in car buying. Grrrr.

For now we are still trying to duke out what car shopping will look like for us. And the compromising is tough. I'm half tempted to get our pastor, Todd, involved and call it marital counseling because I'm not sure we have the language to effectively compromise and communicate on this.

A Tempting Offer by Democratic Hopefuls

Much like events transpiring in Nebraska, I have a tendency to ignore events in the Democratic Party because more the half the time, I find myself more than slightly agitated as a result. With an upcoming election year, I cannot ignore or neglect these news reports, as tempting as it would be, but I find myself intrigued by some of the ideas I am hearing.

Hillary has released her plan for universal health care. Despite my Republican, or rather Libertarian tendencies, universal health care is tempting. My husband has to pay close to $200 per month for mediocre coverage that often leaves us hanging. I luck out that the company I work for has amazing health coverage for all employees but spouses are not covered. Hillary seems to think mandating coverage is the way to go and we’ll be able to pay for our coverage through income tax credits. Hillary, in my opinion, has lost touch with the needs and wants of the American people. We want health coverage, but as our debt prone nation is often found doing, a tax credit is often found spent on more items we cannot afford as we attempt yet again to keep up with every other family on the block. My tax credit for health insurance would most likely be spent of fixing my car, leaving me to worry about my health insurance bill another day.

Hillary’s proposed health care plan is tempting. We will all have health insurance. There will be a tax cut. It is almost enough to lure you into a false sense of security.

Barack Obama has realized his proposed tax cuts as part of his campaign for the democratic ticket. And I must confess – if Obama wins the democratic ticket, he will have my vote. And I have never voted for a democrat in my life.

Obama said at the Tax Policy Center that the current tax code is working for the wrong priorities. As someone who really feels the impact of each tax dollar taken out of her pay check, I am apt to agree. After all, more than half of my take home pay goes towards student loans. If the present tax code rewards wealth instead of work, how can those of us who only have work ever hope to get ahead?

He also has great plans to end income tax for senior citizens who make less than fifty thousand a year. Thank Goodness. I look at all the time that is spent trying to sort out my grandparents income tax each year, mind you for an elderly couple who haven’t worked in over twenty years, and I have this hope that finally someone understands that taxing people who receive Social Security isn’t the brightest idea.

What really won me over to Obama’s plan though was the idea of five minute filings.

"There's no reason the IRS can't send Americans pre-filled tax forms to verify," he said. "This means no more worry. No more wasted time. No more extra expenses for a tax preparer."

Wow. Imagine not needing to spend hours at the accountant. Imagine just verifying a document and mailing it back. Imagine the IRS doing something more to justify their agency’s existance.
I’ve been sucked in already but we still have over a year to see how all of this will play out.

Married and Money

One of the scariest aspects about starting a new life with someone is the financial intimacy that must ensue. We are raised with an idea: someday you will grow up, meet someone you love, get married and your own personal happily ever after will begin. We never raise our children with the idea that marriage is hard, that money might not be plentiful or that we might need to be completely honest.

The money portion is where most of the difficulty lies.

Once you become married, that's it. Any debt you acrue, at least in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, belongs to both of you. Any money you make, well, that also belongs to both of you. Unfortunately, spending money is easier than making money. And any debt you had prior to the marriage belongs soley to the individual who acquired it.

At the moment, I feel like I am up to my eyeballs in debt. I have student loans, credit card payments, USAA auto insurance, cell phone, plus lord knows what else. It overwhelms me. It stresses me out. It makes me feel as if it is very difficult to be a good wife.

In my head, I have this feel of, if only I made more money. But I know that wouldn't really help. I would probably spend all of it. I would probably find new things that I "needed". Or things that I wanted Brian to have.

So I pray. I pray and I try to be more honest. The first step I think is prayer but a close second is being honest with myself. If I'm not honest with myself on this, how can I be honest with Brian? And with our marriage? I am trying to be open about this, about my struggles, and about what my marriage will look like.