Why I am Rising Up

You may be noticing a few changes around the blog today. I added some links for blogs and websites I frequent. I got rid of the polls. I got rid of the reading list (I always forgot to update it when I finished a book anyway). There should be some other links added within the next few days but I was running out of time to do it properly today.

The other big change: this is no longer “Inside the Nest”. We are now “Rising Up”.

At the time I first set up the blog, Brian and I had an interesting sleeping arrangement. We were sleeping on a full size futon mattress on the floor which was crammed into the space that was barely big enough to house a twin mattress. Brian also had about 12 pillows and 5 blankets crammed into this space. It was cozy. And rather nest like.

We slept there for about eight months before I freaked out, slept on the couch for a week and finally went out and bought a mattress, box spring and frame. The first night in the new bed was glorious. It was the best night sleep I have ever had. The sleep I had that night was proof that God loves me and he wants me to be happy. Brian was miserable and I think he slept on the floor that night.

The nest, as I came to call it, was a great place to start a relationship. And great incentive to not get pregnant as there would have been would have been no room for even a slight baby bump. We spooned every night from the time we got into bed until the time we got up. We didn’t spoon because it was the most comfortable position; we spooned because we had no other choice. There was not enough space for both of us to lie flat on our backs at the same time. There was no way to go to bed angry. It was a good place for us to start.

Inside of the nest was safe and secure. But eventually we had to move on. We had to rise up from where we were and move on to new things. Like a real mattress. And eventually, we will have to rise again.

I love the idea of a phoenix. The idea of bursting into flames and rising up again as a newborn from the ash. I have used the name “brstngphnx” for years online (think about it, its only missing the vowels). I want to rise up in my life. I want to rise up from my mistakes and challenges and hardships. I want rebirth from my past. I want to be the phoenix.

I have always been captured by a line from Ani DiFranco’s 32 Flavors:

God help you if you are an ugly girl
Of course too pretty is also your doom
Because everyone harbors a secret hatred
For the prettiest girl in the room
And God help you if you are a phoenix
And you dare to rise up from the ash
A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
While you are just flying past

Why you are actually reading about my husband

I blog about a lot of things.

I blog about work. I blog about my health. I blog about current events. I blog about my relationship with God. I blog about everything.

But really, this blog is about my marriage.

Even when I don’t write about it, it all comes back to my marriage.

Why?

My relationship with my husband is the single most important relationship in my life. It influences every decision I make. When I make a decision about what career path to follow, I am thinking about my husband. When I am seeking medical treatment, I think about how my treatment will affect my husband. When I look at CNN in the morning before work, I am thinking about, that’s right, my husband.

Brian is my priority.

And I don’t anticipate this changing. Even when we have kids, my husband will continue to be my highest priority. Why? Because we can always make more kids. I cannot recreate my husband.

Brian is the family I picked. I looked at him and decided that not only did I want to be in his tribe but I wanted to make our own little tribe with him. I wanted to create a life together.

Jobs will come and go. Friends will move on. Parents will (hopefully) die before I do. Politics will change. Current events will become history. Fads will fade and pop culture will be forgotten.

Brian will be the man I grow old next to. My wrinkly old hand will someday be patting my husband’s wrinkly old butt. And that’s the way I want it.

My commitment to Brian and Brian’s commitment to me is the most influencing factor in our lives. Everything will always come back to my marriage.